Stop calling yourself an idiot.

“Be you, love you. All ways, always.”
Alexandra Elle

You’ve probably heard it a lot; in the workplace, at home, from yourself. The dreaded phrase “oh sorry, I’m just being an idiot.” It doesn’t always have to be “idiot”, it can be “moron”, “I’m being stupid”… the list goes on and on.

I’m going to say something you may or may not like, whether you do or not is irrelevant as it does not diminish it’s truth.

You are not an idiot. Nor have you ever been one.

Many people use this phrase to excuse mistakes they make or to emphasize that they know better but had followed a gut instinct to do something forgetting the best or ‘correct’ way of doing it, but that is neither stupidity nor idiocy. It is being human.

I work with so many intensely clever people, not just when it comes to knowing about DevOps, or knowing about SQL Server, but about things in general. Regardless of what the thing you know is, you know something and in many cases more about it than many people around you and you should take pride in that. I’m not by any means insisting that you should be arrogant or full of yourself, but you should be confident about the things you know and the experiences you have had that got you to that point.

Thinking less of yourself for simple mistakes (and that’s all they are, small, easily rectified things) is damaging not only to other people’s perceptions of you but it’s how you are reinforcing your negative perception of yourself. The more you repeat this to yourself like a mantra you undermine the self belief and self love you have for yourself, you are making a very simple but very effective statement to the world that you are not worthy.

Do you really believe that? If so, then it is time for introspection and a more fundamental soul searching exercise to lead yourself to acceptance and contentment. My feeling is though that 99% of people reading this will know that they are worthy, both of the love of other people as well as the love of themselves.

It is deeply rooted in the language we use and is an observed behavior that we grow up with and adopt into our own personal idiosyncrasies, so it is time to change up the language we use about ourselves. Take each mistake or negative feeling you have about your own knowledge, observations and/or performance and simply change the way you describe it to yourself, which can have a huge impact on how you remember and feel about that event. Challenge the use of negative terminology and use updated and positive self-affirming phrasing – you can find some great examples of this here: https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk#examples-of-positive-self–talk

I’ll give you a key example as I am very guilty of doing this myself, in the hope’s that giving a personal context will allow you to more easily identify where you can give yourself some more love. Yesterday I had a meeting with the wonderful Kendra Little (who I have already spoken about a number of times on here, but yet again she comes to the rescue) where we were discussing an upcoming webinar that we’ll be conducting together. I asked Kendra for some additional time for us to sync up later in the week so we could best discuss the format for the webinar, do a run through and (ad verbatim):

“I need to know roughly when each of us should be talking, because whilst I would naturally be more quiet and let the super-expert speak, but I don’t want to come across as the creepy guy who joins a webinar and sits there in silence not contributing anything for an hour.”

Can you see what was wrong with that? The language I used to immediate diminish my own value, without even being conscious of it at the time?

Quite rightly, I was met with silence on Kendra’s part which was immediately followed up with: “Chris. You just managed to describe all of the key benefits of this model over the more traditional single models in detail, in a way that people will understand. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

That stuck with me all evening and on reflection on how I spoke about myself I realize how right Kendra is. I am here for a reason, I was invited to participate in the webinar for a reason, and people care what I have to say.

So take some time for you, take a good hard look at how you speak about yourself, your accomplishments and your mistakes and realize, you are anything but an idiot. You are wonderful.

The best vegan salted caramel apple and pear crumble/crisp I ever did see!

“Pull up a chair. Take a taste. Come join us. Life is so endlessly delicious.”
Ruth Reichl

Imma stop you right now. I know how this goes, you open a blog post about food and you expect 3 things. A story about why I made it, the recipe and pictures.

I have no pictures. We ate it. I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait.

There’s no story either. My mum and step-dad were coming round for dinner last night (we made a roasted cauliflower, new potato and mushroom curry which was insanely good – yay, go my wife for being an awesome cook!) but we needed a dessert.

I found a couple of recipes I liked but each had elements of the other I wanted to include. So I made my own! Specific thanks to Bosh! for the Salted Caramel recipe in particular from their UK show “Living on the Veg“.

So without further ado, or description of the weather outside or why I love comfort food. Here’s a recipe you should try!

For the filling:

  • 1 x Pink Lady apple
  • 1 x cooking apple
  • 1 x braeburn apple
  • 3 x rocha pears
  • 3 tablespoons maple syrup
  • 2 teaspoons cinnamon
  • Pinch of Salt
  • 1 teaspoon coconut oil

For the salted caramel:

  • 100g pitted dates (Medjool desirable)
  • 120ml hot water
  • Large pinch flaked sea salt

For the crumble/crisp topping:

  • 75g vegan butter / coconut oil
  • 50g Soft Brown Sugar
  • 115g all-purpose flour
  • 1 heaped tablespoons ground almonds
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 small handful rolled oats

Steps:

  1. Pre-heat oven to 180 C (350 F)
  2. Peel, core and chop apples and pears into cubes, about the size of a large thumbnail
  3. Melt the coconut oil in a pan over a medium heat and then add the apples, pears, salt, cinnamon and maple syrup then cook for 10 minutes until soft
  4. Whilst the fruit is cooking add the topping ingredients to a bowl and (using your hands) combine into a breadcrumb style texture
  5. Add the dates, water and salt to a blender / nutribullet and blend until smooth
  6. Take the fruit off of the heat and stir in the date caramel mixture to combine then pour contents into an over proof dish
  7. Top with the crumble mixture and lightly press down to ensure all gaps are filled
  8. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes then serve piping hot with vegan custard or cream-alternative

Enjoy!

A brief history of PlantBasedSQL

There is no fundamental difference between man and animals in their ability to feel pleasure and pain, happiness, and misery.”
Charles Darwin

Note: The post below is my viewpoint on going Vegan and is not designed in anyway to attack or criticise anyone for the choices they make. I will not describe in depth what I witnessed during my research into making this choice for myself but I will provide optional links at the end of the post if you wish to start looking into Veganism. Thank you.

In December 2016 I went vegetarian. I had been living with my then-partner, now-wife for about 9 months and things were going great. When we got together though, I was a vehement meat-eater, in fact eater of all things animal; meat, dairy, eggs, you name it.

I even remember arguing with one of our friends over Christmas in 2015 that, and I quote, “I can’t see myself ever NOT eating meat. Ever.”

My wife though, at that time, was mostly pescatarian and therefore we never really had or cooked meat at home. I love to cook so from the moment we moved in together into a tiny (TINY!!!) flat in March 2016 I saw it mostly as a challenge that I could rise to, to cook more vegetarian food; so I started doing some research.

What I found horrified me to my core.

Many of the vegetarian and vegan bloggers I started to check out included (as part of their blogs and recipes I was following) justification for their lifestyle, reasons why they chose a vegetarian or plant based lifestyle and I was intrigued. I checked out the references, the sources and studies and documentaries, I made notes and discussed my thoughts with my wife and family and others I knew who were veggie or vegan and realized I had lived a life in ignorant bliss of the suffering that took place to fulfill my need for a burger, or bacon, even sweets like wine gums (which I loved but are full of gelatin).

So I made the switch and honestly, it shocked everyone around me (particularly my family) that I, the meat eater, the lover of BBQ, meaty curries and Tex-Mex, would give it up for the rest of my life. But everybody blamed my wife for this. Perhaps blame is too strong a word though… they attributed it to my now living with a mostly-vegetarian.

But no, I came to this conclusion myself. From pictures of slaughterhouses, caged animals and intense farming of everything from cows to pigs to fish, I realized that I would never see meat in the same light again, and it’s not as though I didn’t KNOW this happened. When I was a meat eater of course I knew this was the case, but when I really looked, I realized that my personal dinner preferences should never, ever cause something like this.

The research continued and just over 2 short years later on 1st January 2019 I did something great, I tried Veganuary. Veganuary is a vegan-January challenge that asks only that you give up animal products and try eating and living a Vegan lifestyle.

At this point the teenager in our house had already been vegan for some time; she had come from a predominantly meat-eating country (Romania) and so at home we were mostly cooking plant-based so we could all eat together anyway! Curries, stews, soups, pasta, pizza, nut-burgers, salads, buddha bowls, our diet was not restrictive – but i was still eating eggs and cheese at work, and when we went out for dinner. It wasn’t long before the articles and documentaries led me to look at the dairy and egg industries.

Again, absolutely terrifying.

Shortly before trying Veganuary, in September or October 2018 I had a nightmare. I won’t go into detail but involved trying desperately in vain to free cows from a dairy-slash-slaughterhouse and it was harrowing. I woke up completely drenched in a cold sweat and decided that it would not be long until I completely phased out all animal products, and January was the time to do so.

I don’t miss cheese, or eggs. I thought it would be hard, but it wasn’t. Yes, vegan cheese isn’t quite there yet (unless you’ve tried the new Applewood UK Vegan cheddar OHMIGOSH) but honestly, even if the alternative isn’t there yet – it’s still better than the version requiring we first exploit a living being that doesn’t have the means to defend itself.

Now, almost 12 months later, I still maintain that (besides the decisions to marry my wife, to look after our teen and to join Redgate) it was one of the very best decisions I have ever made.

I encourage you, if you’ve ever been curious, to try it for yourself. It’s surprisingly easy, but most of all it gets you to think about what you eat, how you fuel yourself and about the well-being of all life on the planet. If you need some resources, or want to answer some common questions, I’ve included some resources below:

Where do I get my B12 and Protein? Watch the Game Changers Netflix Documentary – trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSpglxHTJVM

Is a plant based diet healthy? Watch the Forks Over Knives documentary on Netflix or Youtube – trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZb-35oV_7E

How would eating vegan help to stop animal cruelty? Watch the Earthlings and Cowspriacy documentaries – trailers here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hm7Babs_FJU and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV04zyfLyN4

Where are some good resources for plant-based cooking? You can follow the below leaders in this arena (there are loads on YouTube in general though):

Where can I eat Vegan? There are tonnes of good places that have their own vegan menus and options, a few chain restaurants in the UK who offer great vegan alternatives inlclude:

  • Bella Italia
  • Pizza Express
  • Frankie & Benny’s
  • Zizzi
  • Wagamama
  • Byron Burger
  • Pret a manger
  • Giraffe
  • Pizza Hut
  • Papa Johns
  • and Subway!

Happy holidays and here’s to a happy 2020!